There’s just something about an expansion draft that gets the blood pumping…

Times are going to get fun for the Toronto FC in the next little while.

We have one player and one coach right now.

I’m looking forward to the coming weeks when they start signing a bunch of Canadian players to fill out our roster.

There’s also the MLS expansion draft. I’m not too sure of how many guys we’re going to get from that exercise – after all, the team is mostly going to be Canadians and, Dwayne Derosario and Pat Onstad aside, there aren’t a lot of Canadians playing in MLS.

But just saying the words “expansion” and “draft” are exciting. I think back to opening night of the Ottawa Senators when they had both Brad Marsh and Sylvain “Sly” Turgeon in the line-up. I think Marshy came by trade, but Turgeon was sooo expansion draft material!

It has to be hard being an expansion draft guy. Your former team has said “you’re good enough to be in the NHL, but not good enough to be here – so we’re sending you to the expansion team.”

To relate this hockey analogy back to soccer i think of the guys who every year play in the Championship division – get a team to make it’s way up to the Premiership – and then promptly sit for most of the season when their team is up there.

The name Stan Lazaridis comes to mind when describing these players.

Unfortunately this sort of fate also befalls Canadians. I remember watching Jim Brennan tear it up as a member of Nottingham Forest – and his team barely missed promotion.
Paul Peschisolido worked magic for years as a “supersub” for Sheffield United – and now the blades are up at the top.
Same goes for Jason DeVos and Wigan. DeVos led the Lactics to their division two title (i guess div two is now division one, what with the old first division now called the Championship… it can get confusing. Well not really, but i have to say, for all the confusion that is Italian soccer at least they’ve got their divisions all in order.) And now Wigan is up in the Premmie.
So let’s hear it for the workhorses – they guys who get things going and set a good start for a franchise.
I don’t think Toronto FC is going to have the same problems that NHL expansion franchises have. If we get a number of good young Canadians, this team will be fine.

Did Mo go shopping in Montreal?

Canada just beat Jamaica 1-0 in Montreal.
Rob Friend scored on a header – Tomasz Radzinski looked really good.

At half-time the guys on Sportsnet interviewed our coach, Mo Johnston (Sorry, is it Johnson?).

Mo said he’d like to take the whole team.

Thatta boy.

Starting from the back, if you have your pick take:

Goalie Sutton. That guy is huge. Huge as in height.

Defence: Sandro Grande.

Mids: Stalteri and De Guzman.

Forwards: Radzinski and Hume.

Canada looked pretty good. Radzinski was the oldest guy on for Canada.

Mo also said that FC may have news later this week about their first signing.

Radzinski would be a great surprise. Don’t forget Brennan.

Can’t wait.

Call out in your best Rocky voice

I know it’s going to be a little while until the MLS kicks off in Toronto, but I think it’s time the Toronto FC start thinking about what is going to make them a success beyond a wonderful new stadium and their uniform.

Let’s talk players that would fit in nicely with the FC.

First guy I have to suggest is Adrian Serioux. He plays midfield and defence – this year for the Houston Dynamo of the MLS.

(Very quick, cuz i’m not sure of the answer: Is it called “the MLS”? It’s all new to us here in toronto. When you think about it “The NHL” “The NBA” and “The NFL” all make sense – as in “the national hockey league.” However “The Major League Soccer” sounds weird. I probably have it all wrong – it probably just goes by “MLS”. I’ll stand to be corrected in the future.)

Adrian is Canadian.
He’s even a hometown boy.
Serioux is pronounced “Sir-Rowe”
And i’m serious.
He’s an excellent player.

He was a huge part of the Lynx playoff run back in the fall of 2000. Guys with less skill than him (guys like Chris Pozniak and Marco Reda) got gigs in Europe before he did – and he was by far the superior player.
(the lynx magical run that year was ended by none other than Dwayne DeRosario… another guy Toronto you need to get.)

Adrian can throw in a ball farther than some guys can kick. His throws are unbelievable.

Toronto – start working it today. Get Adrian.

Arg…goes.

Marky phoned me at work today and started telling my why Argentina is going strong.

He agrees with me that we haven't seen the best of England just yet, and this just may be England's best team in our lifetime. (Sorry Gazza.)

Even with an injured Michael Owen.

For the record, Argentina are going to smoke Mexico tomorrow.  

Mexico might as well bring back their flashy goalie Campos (the one who designed his own soccer shirts back in the early 90s) – because that's about the only thing that's going to be entertaining on their side.

Argentina look solid. Not arrogant. And, they're getting things done.

Ghana gonna do it.

But it’s not that Ghana are playing amazing.

It’s that their group is mediocre. Look at their opponents:
- The United States are not having a great world cup.

- Italy are not having a great world cup.

- And Czech, for all their first game victory and their FIFA status as second best soccer playing team in the world, are not having a great world cup.

This is no group of death.

The Italians, having gone down to 10 men against USA last Saturday pull Totti out of the game.

I’ve seen Totti single handedly run a game (when Celtic came and played in Toronto – Totti scored the only goal against them and ran the show.)
I’m not sure why you don’t leave him in that game.

Italy have little direction this year.
USA seem willing to self implode. At least their coach is ready. Arenas just seems one second away from a head busting heart attack. 

They should have brought Cobi Jones just for the hype factor. 

The Czechs, now down to 10 men against Italy today and losing 1-0 at halftime, seem to be unable to do anything without their massive striker Jan Koller.
 

I'm predicting Ghana make it through. 

Mad Dogs Part two

Actually, I've reconsidered.

Peter Crouch – lanky striker

K-9 from Dr. Who

Crouch… the early years

- robotic exterior, robotic interior

- doesn't chase balls.

-affinity for hair gel (it keeps the circuits moving)

- strange, robotic post goal celebration

for example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9G1XGxgCA8 

Mad Dogs and Englishmen (Part One)

Ever wonder what kind of dog English soccer players would be if they were dogs? (How much wood would a woodchuck chuck?….)

At twelve noon the natives swoon and no further work is done, But mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun.

- Noel Coward.

Special for you, just before the high noon kick-off against Trinidad and Tobago is the first installment. (With special thanks to wikipedia where I found most of the dog information & photos, and FIFA for the headshots of those mad dog Englishmen.)

Michael Owen – Striker.
Jack Russell Terrier.

“Come on Michael, Go to the Net!”

- intelligent, high-energy breed. Always ready for a sprint to the net.
- Built for speed and strength, they will always be ready to play. I hope he’s ready to come back to Liverpool next year…
- They lack the nervousness that makes so many small dogs “yappy”
- rarely bark without good reason. Michael Owen never dives – and doesn’t complain to refs the way other strikers do.
- their fearlessness can scare off a larger animal – like Centre Backs – but their apparent unawareness of their small size can lead to a lopsided fight if not kept in check.
David Beckham – midfield
Beagle

- very good temper and gentle disposition.
- intelligent, but are stubborn and may be hard to train (perhaps because they train themselves on the pitch kicking ball after ball after ball.)
- They are an especially loyal breed (Ing-ger-lund!) and are very friendly (look how much he smiles).
- They rarely show signs of aggression and are excellent with children – especially kids named Brooklyn.
- They howl (in a higher pitched voice) instead of barking.
- get along with other dogs, provided that they (the other players) have been socialized correctly. You know, say nice things about Sven Goren.
- playful and energetic dogs who enjoy long walks and shopping excursions with their free spending wives.
- Being scent hounds, if released, they may follow a scent (ball) endlessly or will incessantly try to tag along with other dogs (in the midfield) regardless of cars, referees, mud, or the sudden appearance of Roy Keane’s cleats.
- Beagles are pack animals, and can be prone to separation anxiety from Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, or Victoria Posh Beckham.
- That said, they are best in pairs (ie. with Posh) if they are going to be alone on a beach somewhere away from the eye of the paparazzi for long periods of time.

Peter Crouch – Lanky striker
Whippet.

“someone kick me a ball… i’ll miss it”
- called a “poorman’s greyhound”
- not generally aggressive
- generally quiet and gentle dogs, content to spend much of the day sleeping.
- not suited to be guard dogs due to their trusting and unsuspicious nature
- however tend to attack cats (soccer balls?) that stray onto their territory – key word is stray, as if it makes no effor to get the ball itself. ?

Owen Hargreaves – Canadian born midfield
Rat terrier

young owen in the Calgary foothills
- Rat Terrier is an American dog breed. Or is it Canadian? Or is it Welsh? Oh wait – wikipedia says the Rat Terrier type originated in England.
- normally cheerful dogs, but there are occasional dogs who are extremely sensitive to changes in their environment. For example, people asking the why he didn’t play for Team Canada, or to unexpected noises like the Canadian national anthem, or people such as English fans saying he shouldn’t be on England.
- they can be bonded to and protective of their owners – especially when they’re owned by Bayern Munich. Perhaps England should watch out for any “Owen” goals he might “accidently” give up should they meet Germany later in the world cup.

Wayne Rooney – striker
pit bull (obviously)

“who wants a piece?”
- when it bites, it doesn’t let go.
- confidence and loyal temperament.
- In addition, they have an extremely high pain threshold. Even if they have a broken foot, they’ll still want to but put in the match.
- As athletic and energetic dogs, “pit bulls” need to be exercised frequently. Thus a reason why the Coach may put him in today against Trinidad and Tobago.
- need I say any more?

Sven Goren Erikkson – Head Coach
Swedish vallhund

“And there he is…the coach leading England out of the tunnel for what promises to be a very big day in Germany…”
- The Swedish vallhund was bred to herd cattle (or soccer teams), catch vermin (don’t know how this relates – wait, unless it’s a dig at those useless Neville brothers), and guard the house. The house being that little shed where they keep the reserves.
- The Swedish Vallhund (SV) finds new uses for toys. Like the time Sven Goren Erikkson (SGE) said “Lookit everyvun, the new adidas ball! Let’s kick it into the net!”
- they are quite good at problem solving – as in “Should I choose David Beckham as Captain? Why not”.
- The SV enjoys being stimulated by learning new tasks – like “What kind of smile should I use when my team hoists the Jules Rimet trophy and takes the whole thing when this whole World Cup finishes?”

Let’s go Togo

Holy Togo.
It’s half-time.Togo are up one nothing on South Korea. (South Korea are somewhere in the neighbourhood of $925.3 billion up on North Korea, but that’s another story.)
Let’s have a quick look at Togo.

Okay, I don’t know too much about them except there’s a city in Togo called Mango. Is it where mangoes come from? Who knows? So, for my lack of information ABOUT Togo, I’ll provide information that I’m certain has nothing to do with Togo – yet, in a world of lazy spelling or a slip of the finger, could result in a misspelled Togo name resulting in – I dunno – the collapse of democracy.

Here are some possible misspellings of Togo, and the implications thereof:

Toro: Something to do with bullfighting. Perhaps the bull itself. You see, there’s a picador that stabs the bull. And the matador who also stabs the bull. And the people cheer. And the people that ran with the bull before it was killed thought they were all brave and such.

“I’ve just ran with the bulls – I’m alive!”

Good for you, you idiot. You’re special. Just like everyone else wearing those bandanas. Congrats, you’re an adrenalin junkie asserting your individualism – join the club – you and Jack Osborne. “I came within 30 feet of the bull – man, my heart is beating” How do you think the bull feels? It’s going to die. Ahh well, you survived! See you at burning man!

To Go: What do you do when you order food at a restaurant that has seats in it, perhaps even table service, but you don’t want to stay inside the restaurant to eat? Perhaps you want to avoid tipping a waiter and prefer to eat your food on the curb outside the restaurant – before being asked by the waiter to ‘take it somewhere else’. Also related is “Carry Out” or “Take Out”.

Toga: A giant bedsheet wrapped around your torso. Sure it’s supposed to be the clothing of such classic thinkers as Socrates and Bluto Blukowski – but it’s also a sign of complete laziness. You know those lazy days when you lounge around in pyjamas at like 3 pm? You know those even lazier days where you lounge around in pyjamas and you stay in bed? You know those lazy days when you don’t bother to even get into pyjamas in the first place and just wander around lazily with a bedsheet wrapped around your unshowered self? You’re disgusting. That’s a Toga.

Tora (Tora Tora): Words uttered on July 7, 1941 that set the attack on Pearl Harbour in motion – an attack that saw the Japanese air force sink the US navy in their dockyards. Unfortunately these words have no effect on destroying the movie starring Ben Affleck (Afflick? I’m not sure) named Pearl Harbour.

Tori(i) – Amos, Spelling, and (the double “i” version) Hunter. A singer, a centre fielder, and a terrible actress. Guess which one is which?
Toto: Everyone knows the little dog that belonged to Dorothy but there was also (is? can anyone confirm if they’re still kickin’ it?) a band from the 80s called toto who had a hit with a song called – very fitting when talking about Togo – Africa. I can’t remember if it was a #1 or anything, but I remember something about the rains.

Tito: Tito Santana was a wrestler in the 1980s. He won his matches with a combination of a flying punch and the figure four leg-lock. His arch nemesis was Greg “The Hammer” Valentine.

Another Tito ran Yugoslavia behind the iron fist of the iron curtain – I guess his figure four leg-lock would have held together Serbia, Croatia, Montenegro, and Bosnia.

The last Tito could groove in a sort of mediocre lame way. Sure, his detractors say Tito Jackson was the 7th member of the Jackson Five, but I have him at 6pointFive. After all, someone had to keep the bass grooves going during the Victory Tour.

Goto: You know as a little kid when you were in Radio Shack (Circuit City, and before that the Source) and they had those crappy Tandy computers? Well everything in those days was written in Basic. I remember this one basic “programming” technique.

Ready
10 Print “Let’s go Togo”
20 Goto 10
Run

Toque: A great hat to wear in the winter.

So there you have it. Togo… where were we. Oh, Korea have gone up 2-1.
Well they had a good Run.

Let’s go Togo
Let’s go Togo
Let’s go Togo
Let’s go Togo
Let’s go Togo

Czechs win, but Cech still unproven…

I hear team USA just got hammered by the Czechs 3-0.

By the game stats on FIFA.com USA just managed one shot on goal.

Yes they managed six shots, but one shot on goal. 

One shot ON goal.

I can't even tell you if it was a long shot or not. 

I was wrong about the final score in this one – but i still stand by my assertion that Petr Cech hasn't been challenged just yet.