Arg…goes.

Marky phoned me at work today and started telling my why Argentina is going strong.

He agrees with me that we haven't seen the best of England just yet, and this just may be England's best team in our lifetime. (Sorry Gazza.)

Even with an injured Michael Owen.

For the record, Argentina are going to smoke Mexico tomorrow.  

Mexico might as well bring back their flashy goalie Campos (the one who designed his own soccer shirts back in the early 90s) – because that's about the only thing that's going to be entertaining on their side.

Argentina look solid. Not arrogant. And, they're getting things done.

Ghana gonna do it.

But it’s not that Ghana are playing amazing.

It’s that their group is mediocre. Look at their opponents:
- The United States are not having a great world cup.

- Italy are not having a great world cup.

- And Czech, for all their first game victory and their FIFA status as second best soccer playing team in the world, are not having a great world cup.

This is no group of death.

The Italians, having gone down to 10 men against USA last Saturday pull Totti out of the game.

I’ve seen Totti single handedly run a game (when Celtic came and played in Toronto – Totti scored the only goal against them and ran the show.)
I’m not sure why you don’t leave him in that game.

Italy have little direction this year.
USA seem willing to self implode. At least their coach is ready. Arenas just seems one second away from a head busting heart attack. 

They should have brought Cobi Jones just for the hype factor. 

The Czechs, now down to 10 men against Italy today and losing 1-0 at halftime, seem to be unable to do anything without their massive striker Jan Koller.
 

I'm predicting Ghana make it through. 

Mad Dogs Part two

Actually, I've reconsidered.

Peter Crouch – lanky striker

K-9 from Dr. Who

Crouch… the early years

- robotic exterior, robotic interior

- doesn't chase balls.

-affinity for hair gel (it keeps the circuits moving)

- strange, robotic post goal celebration

for example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9G1XGxgCA8 

Mad Dogs and Englishmen (Part One)

Ever wonder what kind of dog English soccer players would be if they were dogs? (How much wood would a woodchuck chuck?….)

At twelve noon the natives swoon and no further work is done, But mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun.

- Noel Coward.

Special for you, just before the high noon kick-off against Trinidad and Tobago is the first installment. (With special thanks to wikipedia where I found most of the dog information & photos, and FIFA for the headshots of those mad dog Englishmen.)

Michael Owen – Striker.
Jack Russell Terrier.

“Come on Michael, Go to the Net!”

- intelligent, high-energy breed. Always ready for a sprint to the net.
- Built for speed and strength, they will always be ready to play. I hope he’s ready to come back to Liverpool next year…
- They lack the nervousness that makes so many small dogs “yappy”
- rarely bark without good reason. Michael Owen never dives – and doesn’t complain to refs the way other strikers do.
- their fearlessness can scare off a larger animal – like Centre Backs – but their apparent unawareness of their small size can lead to a lopsided fight if not kept in check.
David Beckham – midfield
Beagle

- very good temper and gentle disposition.
- intelligent, but are stubborn and may be hard to train (perhaps because they train themselves on the pitch kicking ball after ball after ball.)
- They are an especially loyal breed (Ing-ger-lund!) and are very friendly (look how much he smiles).
- They rarely show signs of aggression and are excellent with children – especially kids named Brooklyn.
- They howl (in a higher pitched voice) instead of barking.
- get along with other dogs, provided that they (the other players) have been socialized correctly. You know, say nice things about Sven Goren.
- playful and energetic dogs who enjoy long walks and shopping excursions with their free spending wives.
- Being scent hounds, if released, they may follow a scent (ball) endlessly or will incessantly try to tag along with other dogs (in the midfield) regardless of cars, referees, mud, or the sudden appearance of Roy Keane’s cleats.
- Beagles are pack animals, and can be prone to separation anxiety from Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, or Victoria Posh Beckham.
- That said, they are best in pairs (ie. with Posh) if they are going to be alone on a beach somewhere away from the eye of the paparazzi for long periods of time.

Peter Crouch – Lanky striker
Whippet.

“someone kick me a ball… i’ll miss it”
- called a “poorman’s greyhound”
- not generally aggressive
- generally quiet and gentle dogs, content to spend much of the day sleeping.
- not suited to be guard dogs due to their trusting and unsuspicious nature
- however tend to attack cats (soccer balls?) that stray onto their territory – key word is stray, as if it makes no effor to get the ball itself. ?

Owen Hargreaves – Canadian born midfield
Rat terrier

young owen in the Calgary foothills
- Rat Terrier is an American dog breed. Or is it Canadian? Or is it Welsh? Oh wait – wikipedia says the Rat Terrier type originated in England.
- normally cheerful dogs, but there are occasional dogs who are extremely sensitive to changes in their environment. For example, people asking the why he didn’t play for Team Canada, or to unexpected noises like the Canadian national anthem, or people such as English fans saying he shouldn’t be on England.
- they can be bonded to and protective of their owners – especially when they’re owned by Bayern Munich. Perhaps England should watch out for any “Owen” goals he might “accidently” give up should they meet Germany later in the world cup.

Wayne Rooney – striker
pit bull (obviously)

“who wants a piece?”
- when it bites, it doesn’t let go.
- confidence and loyal temperament.
- In addition, they have an extremely high pain threshold. Even if they have a broken foot, they’ll still want to but put in the match.
- As athletic and energetic dogs, “pit bulls” need to be exercised frequently. Thus a reason why the Coach may put him in today against Trinidad and Tobago.
- need I say any more?

Sven Goren Erikkson – Head Coach
Swedish vallhund

“And there he is…the coach leading England out of the tunnel for what promises to be a very big day in Germany…”
- The Swedish vallhund was bred to herd cattle (or soccer teams), catch vermin (don’t know how this relates – wait, unless it’s a dig at those useless Neville brothers), and guard the house. The house being that little shed where they keep the reserves.
- The Swedish Vallhund (SV) finds new uses for toys. Like the time Sven Goren Erikkson (SGE) said “Lookit everyvun, the new adidas ball! Let’s kick it into the net!”
- they are quite good at problem solving – as in “Should I choose David Beckham as Captain? Why not”.
- The SV enjoys being stimulated by learning new tasks – like “What kind of smile should I use when my team hoists the Jules Rimet trophy and takes the whole thing when this whole World Cup finishes?”

Honk if you’re Brazilian…

Every Tuesday and Wednesday nights i play co-ed soccer in toronto.
It’s an after-work social league for people who either never played soccer when they were kids, or just remember playing it, or just want to have fun.

we played tonight at a school on ossington – so our game tonight was right amid the brazilian celebration.

YAAAAHHHH HONK HONK HONK!

we’re not brazilian by any stretch. if anything, we’re dutch. Our team wears orange (we have a real live Dutch player too – straight outtta Rotterdam! – okay i’m not sure if it’s rotterdam, but rotterdam sounds gute.)

anyhow, the best parts of the game was the honking and cheering while we were playing.
the field was close enough to the road to get cheers by the brazilian fans. as well, some people even stopped by to watch by the fence.

good times.

the teams even got into it with some arguments over goals and free kicks. i’m sure if someone threw a flare then our goalie would have feigned an injury or something.
the game had south american flair.

i played the part of a poor man’s roberto carlos. my kicks weren’t as deadly. my best hoof of the day went into the street.

the most brazilian part for us was the bumpy crappy field – straight outta sao paulo.

good times.

BRAZIL!

Let’s go Togo

Holy Togo.
It’s half-time.Togo are up one nothing on South Korea. (South Korea are somewhere in the neighbourhood of $925.3 billion up on North Korea, but that’s another story.)
Let’s have a quick look at Togo.

Okay, I don’t know too much about them except there’s a city in Togo called Mango. Is it where mangoes come from? Who knows? So, for my lack of information ABOUT Togo, I’ll provide information that I’m certain has nothing to do with Togo – yet, in a world of lazy spelling or a slip of the finger, could result in a misspelled Togo name resulting in – I dunno – the collapse of democracy.

Here are some possible misspellings of Togo, and the implications thereof:

Toro: Something to do with bullfighting. Perhaps the bull itself. You see, there’s a picador that stabs the bull. And the matador who also stabs the bull. And the people cheer. And the people that ran with the bull before it was killed thought they were all brave and such.

“I’ve just ran with the bulls – I’m alive!”

Good for you, you idiot. You’re special. Just like everyone else wearing those bandanas. Congrats, you’re an adrenalin junkie asserting your individualism – join the club – you and Jack Osborne. “I came within 30 feet of the bull – man, my heart is beating” How do you think the bull feels? It’s going to die. Ahh well, you survived! See you at burning man!

To Go: What do you do when you order food at a restaurant that has seats in it, perhaps even table service, but you don’t want to stay inside the restaurant to eat? Perhaps you want to avoid tipping a waiter and prefer to eat your food on the curb outside the restaurant – before being asked by the waiter to ‘take it somewhere else’. Also related is “Carry Out” or “Take Out”.

Toga: A giant bedsheet wrapped around your torso. Sure it’s supposed to be the clothing of such classic thinkers as Socrates and Bluto Blukowski – but it’s also a sign of complete laziness. You know those lazy days when you lounge around in pyjamas at like 3 pm? You know those even lazier days where you lounge around in pyjamas and you stay in bed? You know those lazy days when you don’t bother to even get into pyjamas in the first place and just wander around lazily with a bedsheet wrapped around your unshowered self? You’re disgusting. That’s a Toga.

Tora (Tora Tora): Words uttered on July 7, 1941 that set the attack on Pearl Harbour in motion – an attack that saw the Japanese air force sink the US navy in their dockyards. Unfortunately these words have no effect on destroying the movie starring Ben Affleck (Afflick? I’m not sure) named Pearl Harbour.

Tori(i) – Amos, Spelling, and (the double “i” version) Hunter. A singer, a centre fielder, and a terrible actress. Guess which one is which?
Toto: Everyone knows the little dog that belonged to Dorothy but there was also (is? can anyone confirm if they’re still kickin’ it?) a band from the 80s called toto who had a hit with a song called – very fitting when talking about Togo – Africa. I can’t remember if it was a #1 or anything, but I remember something about the rains.

Tito: Tito Santana was a wrestler in the 1980s. He won his matches with a combination of a flying punch and the figure four leg-lock. His arch nemesis was Greg “The Hammer” Valentine.

Another Tito ran Yugoslavia behind the iron fist of the iron curtain – I guess his figure four leg-lock would have held together Serbia, Croatia, Montenegro, and Bosnia.

The last Tito could groove in a sort of mediocre lame way. Sure, his detractors say Tito Jackson was the 7th member of the Jackson Five, but I have him at 6pointFive. After all, someone had to keep the bass grooves going during the Victory Tour.

Goto: You know as a little kid when you were in Radio Shack (Circuit City, and before that the Source) and they had those crappy Tandy computers? Well everything in those days was written in Basic. I remember this one basic “programming” technique.

Ready
10 Print “Let’s go Togo”
20 Goto 10
Run

Toque: A great hat to wear in the winter.

So there you have it. Togo… where were we. Oh, Korea have gone up 2-1.
Well they had a good Run.

Let’s go Togo
Let’s go Togo
Let’s go Togo
Let’s go Togo
Let’s go Togo

Czechs win, but Cech still unproven…

I hear team USA just got hammered by the Czechs 3-0.

By the game stats on FIFA.com USA just managed one shot on goal.

Yes they managed six shots, but one shot on goal. 

One shot ON goal.

I can't even tell you if it was a long shot or not. 

I was wrong about the final score in this one – but i still stand by my assertion that Petr Cech hasn't been challenged just yet.

Team USA Toronto…

As I write this the last of the celebratory horns have travelled off into the night and left Dundas street in Toronto.

Wow. People, it was a 1-0 game against Anglola. You were expected to win this one. I suppose when the Portugese team makes the playoffs, that’s when the party around here will really start.

Team USA makes its start tomorrow against the Czech republic. (Where is slovakia gone by the way? I don’t ask in a political way, but in a sporting way – it seems the Czechs are much better in hockey and soccer than the Slovaks. Maybe the slovaks are better at, i dunno, chess or something.)

The reason i bring up Team USA is that every ethnic group has a place to hang out in Toronto.
Even tiny Trinidad and Tobago (like 1 point nothing million citizens) has at least a couple of bars where you can go and cheer on the Soca Warriors. (That’s soca, like the dance. i’m sure if you’re a good soca dancer it can do nothing but help your soccer skills – now i know why the argentines and brazilans are so good…. it’s not the slums of Rio or Buenos Aires – it’s the music…)
Where was I?
Oh yes, team USA.
They strike me as possibly the only country at this year’s world cup without a “home” base here in Toronto.

So i thought i’d suggest a few places where american soccer fans can get the best seats to watch Beasley and Reyna and talk about the glory days of Cobi Jones and Alexi “Lawless”.

Umm. All i can think of are the downtown tourist places – perhaps like Hard Rock on Yonge street or maybe Hooters on John. You may have to ask them to turn the channel to soccer, however, as golf or NASCAR may be on instead.

For the record, i think that the americans are going to win the game against the Czechs 2-1. Pavel Nedved just isn’t enough for the Czechs this time around.

Though, on second thought, they do have that goalie Petr Cech (You see why he’s so Czech – it’s in his name, Petr) who plays for Chelsea. And that factor may swing tomorrow’s game in favour of the Czechs.

But no. Here’s why i don’t think he’s going to make that much of a difference – he plays for chelsea.

Man, there’s times that my 5 foot nothing frame could play goal for Chelsea and i’d look like the second coming of Peter Shmeichel. (though, in this instance i’d go by Petr sMichael *BAD PUN*)
The point is, on a team as good as chelsea, you’re not going to get the best sense of how good Cech is.

Well, it will be interesting to see. Czech out *BAD PUN #2* the game tomorrow at noon eastern time.

Get ready for Portugal

This weekend there’s been a Portugal festival going on in Toronto. Living in little portugal, i’ve seen a lot of “C. Ronaldo” and “Figo” jerseys around.
Little kids in headbands.
People blowing whistles.
Cars with not one, but two portugese flags.
The store up the street is cranking portguese wedding music.
(or at least what i assume is portugese wedding music).
I think they’re even closing parts of dundas street.

And this is all before the game begins.
So, we’ll see in an hour how the game goes.
I may do an experiment, i may just keep my tv off and try to follow the game by the reactions of the people around me.

ie- lots of whistles, portguese goal. really quiet- they’re losing.

Holy Mexico

I can’t help but be jealous of the Mexican National Soccer team today.
Right now they’re beating Iran 3-1.
A Brazilan born guy who goes by the name of “Senior” (not senor) has just put the up.

Mexico make every world cup. They dominate CONCACAF (the north american, carribean, and central american soccer region).
They don’t win world cups, in fact their record in the world cup isn’t that great. (Though, they hosted in 1986).

I think a huge reason they qualify year after year is their home stadium – Azteca – which is in the hot, humid, high-altitude, smog filled Mexico City.

Whenever Canada went to play in Azteca they just were flat. There just isn’t a training facility in the world that would compare to it.. and why would you want to?

There is no reason in the world to pull oxygen out of a room, turn on a heater, run a car’s engine, and then run around chasing a ball to simulate a soccer game in Azteca. It’s cruel and unusual punishment.

But it plays a role in Mexico’s success.

For the record, Canada does try to get back at them – you know, by scheduling our games against Mexico in NOvember in Toronto. You ever see bees in the winter time? they’re pretty lethargic. it’s pretty much the same effect when you put two soccer teams on a pitch in november in toronto.

anyhow, as i watch mexico handle iran, i can’t help but think that perhaps Canada would have had a pretty good shot against some of the teams at the world cup.

am i deluded? sure.