Matt writes and tells me it’s hot in NYC.

Extreme heat goes hand in hand with power outtages. Which sucks for people with air conditioners, freezers, or who like playing gamecube in their boxer shorts.

i heard that NYC had a power outtage this week – here’s three ways they could have avoided it or at least made things better.

a) DON’T SELL YOUR HYDRO TO ONTARIO WHEN YOU NEED IT. Really, i heard ontario bought some hydro power from NYstate the other day when we had record demands. I know we must have given them a good price for them to cut power to NYC to sell that to us – or we bought it before you realized that power was out in Queen’s or wherever. It’s fine, we can get some from our friends in Quebec. They love to share with english canada. right? right?

b) just turn down the lights at times square. I’ve been to new york. once. i went through times square in the daytime and it hurt my eyes. hell, even the police station has a giant neon sign. there are signs upon signs. people in queen’s go without power so people in downtown manhattan can see giant billboards for – i dunno – Talladega Nights or something. just go a few days without the giant lights. who knows, you may see the moon for a change.

c) bit the bullet and convert your temperature to celcius. Yeah everything sounds hot when you say “it’s 104 degrees outside.”
Toronto is damn hot too – the other day (AUgust 1, 2006) we hit 114.62 or 117 fahrenheit when you include the “Humidex” – or how hot it feels. Man those are big numbers. In celcius water boils at 100 degress. We were over boiled on August 1.
But we weren’t.
That’s because it was only 45.9 or 47 decrees Celcius (or centigrade).
Try it.
I put it sort of like how in the old days people would go and watch movies about snow and ice in the middle of summer.
Yeah they weren’t cooler, but they sort of thought they were and that could make all the difference.

oh one more,

d) when you name a town in your state: “Hell’s Kitchen” you’re asking for trouble.

First of all, i’ve worked in a kitchen in the summer. it’s hot in there. never mind that there are walk in freezers – those are just quick visits to grab stuff for chefs. The bulk of the time is spent among ovens and hot pans and (cuz i was a dishpig at the time) cruddy plates that need washing with – you guessed it, scalding hot water.
second, for all i know, and have heard, hell is hot.
Look at any gary larson cartoon. in hell’s cafeteria those plates are HOT!
change the name of hells kitchen to, chill zone or something.
Alberta’s way ahead of this – they’ve got a place called “Cold Lake”
yeah it sounds freezing.
actually, a trip to cold lake doesn’t sound to bad right about now.

Advertisements